For those of you who still aspire to be crunchy out there, I have a newsflash:
Crunchy is no longer a compliment.
Crunchy implies that you eat granola, which used to imply that you are health conscious and spend much of your time outdoors. Well, when it’s not 114 degrees out, I do spend time out-of-doors, so I don’t know what you’re going to call me now, now that I’ve found out that granola is not a health food.
It’s loaded with sugar, which, if you don’t already know, is food satan. And it’s not the sugar on your teeth that is the criminal here. It’s the sugar in your bloodstream that causes tooth decay. Granola also contains whole grains, which I am now privy to know are satan’s little tooth decay helpers.
For those of you who might just be joining us on betsydewey.com, you need to know that for the last few weeks my family has been following the Cure Tooth Decay diet. If it works, in about 10 more weeks, I am going to savor and revel in the moment when I watch my son’s dentist wade through her befuddlement of where 8 cavities went. If it doesn’t work, I’ll be panhandling with the best of them, trying to come up with $2500 to stimulate the dentist’s economy. Yes, apparently teeth, just like your skin heals itself of a cut, can remineralize themselves and heal up from a cavity. If you don’t believe me, either read the book, or just stay tuned for the duration of my family’s guineapigdom to see whether or not I’m onto something.
In order to create the optimal medium in your body for this so-called remineralization, you can’t eat:
sugar, high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, white flour, wheat flour, whole grains, oatmeal, brown rice, raw nuts, (yes folks – that was not a typo – no brown rice or raw nuts!) processed or fried foods
and you really must eat:
cod liver oil, raw dairy products, plain yogurt, eggs, bone broths, vegetables, liver, butter, fermented foods, fish and seafood
and you can eat in moderation:
organic fruit, honey, maple syrup, and sour dough bread
No Oatmeal? No whole grains?
According to the astute Mr. Nagel, oatmeal is one of the worst things you can eat if you are prone to dental caries. Many plants, grains, beans etc. have a certain level of plant toxins in them and they are simply undigestable.
Most of what you’ve ever eaten for breakfast is rotting your teeth: cereal, granola, bran, sweetened yogurt, bagels, muffins, whole wheat toast, jelly, not to mention donuts, danishes, and pop tarts. All we have found to eat for breakfast is eggs, sour dough toast, butter, honey, local yogurt sweetened with maple syrup and fruit. Man, that sounds good.
One thing I must say is that raw cow’s milk is sorely underrated. I was a bit sheepish about drinking it at first. But OMG, it’s sooooooo good. And it’s fun to buy too. It feels like you’re buying drugs or something. You have to know somebody. You can’t buy it in the stores because it’s illegal. Oooh. Grin. I hear rumors that the Federal Government, our old buddy and pal, has its sights set on making raw milk, supplements and vitamins illegal. This is not one of my bits on our freedoms that are getting whittled away, but as of about two weeks ago, if anyone tells me that raw milk has become completely illegal, or that I’m going to have to buy my son’s cod liver and skate liver oil supplements on the black market, this little Ms. Smith is going to Washington and she’ll be seeing scarlet.
Vegan might be the new crunchy, but apparently your teeth will fall out
Sorry beautiful vegans out there, but if you’re disgusted by animal products, your teeth don’t have a chance. Apparently, the fat-souble vitamins A & D that are crucial to healthy teeth and gums are for the most part only found in dairy and organ meat. It’s really hip these days to not drink milk. My beloved guru-midwife even thinks that we can’t process the calcium from dairy. That might be because it’s pasteurized. We’re getting hugely conflicting nutritional advice these days, and if I can, I’m going to get to the bottom of it.
Andrew Zimmern of Bizarre Foods fame must have titanium teeth
If you’re not into consuming organ meat, or brains, eyes, liver and such, then you really need to be eating bivalves and crustaceans that require you to suck the head. When you eat an oyster, you’re getting all of the organs. And, drum roll please. I did it. I ate my first oyster – a raw one mind you, from the Gulf of Mexico, in July. And not only did I survive the harrowing experience, I loved it. I have yet to make the fish head stew and I need some really good bone broth veggie soup recipes, but our eating habits are, well, hmmm, how would you describe it? Not crunchy. Perhaps the new describe-how-you-eat-status-symbol should be
Raw? Grassfed? Fat Soluble Vitaminy? Fishy? Slimey? Bivalvey?
Hmm, bivalvey. Now that has a ring to it.